I had something completely different to post today. However, as I was looking through my journal this morning, I came across an entry I had written three months ago. I had never intended it to be a blog post, but I really felt like God was telling me to put it out there this morning. And, after reading Francis Chan’s Forgotten God, I’ve decided not to ignore those promptings! I hope it benefits you in some way.

A few months ago, I was going through a season of discontent – or maybe unrest is a better term. It was almost imperceptible, but there nonetheless. One day I sat down, prayed, and started writing. I listed all the possible sources of what I was feeling, followed by answers I felt the Lord was giving me. I closed it out with what I could do as a result of what I learned.

I’m just going to write it here as it was in my journal. Please forgive the following sentence fragments and general rambling nature of this post. Just be thankful I re-typed it. Reading my handwriting might have been too much of a challenge!

January 27, 2011

What’s my problem?

1. Frustrated at myself for my weight gain?

2. Letting my selfish thinking overtake me? Homeschooling “prevents” me from pursuing my writing goals more aggressively.

3. Overwhelmed with all the stuff I seem to never accomplish?

Possibilities to ponder in response to these:

1. I am the only one to blame for eating too much. By the same token, I am the one who can change the pattern. Do it!

2. Did God call me to homeschool? YES! Focus on the eternal rewards. Who will remember that travel article about Puerto Rico you wrote five years ago? The girls will remember the time you spent with them, and their hearts will be changed because of how you showed them God on a daily basis. Make sure you show them God on a daily basis!

3. It’s just stuff! Focus on what truly matters and let the rest go!

I must stop:
comparing myself to others

I must start:
being more organized (home and school)
live in the moment more – appreciate those sweet girls and precious husband

Although I was a sobbing mess at the end of that journal writing time, I was lighter and empowered. I’m still working on showing the girls God on a daily basis – sometimes it’s quite the opposite, I’m afraid! I have answers to my questions, though. And whenever one of those lingering insecurities and doubts creep in, I can go straight to January 27th and be reminded of God’s truth in my life.